||[Jun. 12th, 2007|06:27 am]
California was a bust, the only perk was seeing the rugrats before they reach the age of nine, because we all know that's when all the shit hits the fan.
I woke up today at 4:30 in the am. I don't know why really, I've been getting little anxiety attacks out of nowhere, they've been really lame, I just think about things too much and I get jolted awake with worry. I'm frankly sick of it. I feel like my life is just like sand falling through my fingertips. Utterly hopeless at times. I don't know, maybe it's hormones or something.
I'm glad to be back home, Chicago is just home and whenever I leave it and come back it's always somehow better then when I left it. When it starts being worse is when I'll move away. I wonder when that will be.
Changes are coming, inevitable. I wonder exactly what role I play in it all. I'd love to just disappear most of the time only to reappear on random moments/episodes where something fun happens. In other words I really just wanna live for the highlights of life.
Mario Party + Bacardi is a highlight which is half sad. Puking is not a highlight. My dad is 60 today, that's a bit insane. 60 is so old, I would prefer not to live that long, and I don't think I have to worry about that, which is actually kinda sad.
I would like to go back to sleep, I have at least another hour till I have to be awake but I just end up laying there in bed completely aware that I'm not sleeping. I saw two Nick Cage movies yesterday, The Weatherman and Lord of War, I had never seen Lord of War. I have a new found respect for Mr. Cage. Although I do believe Ghostrider was a bad choice as movie roles go.